# Cold Saturday Morning and lots of free time.



## Shaun69007 (Sep 2, 2009)

Well I had a lot of time on my hand Saturday morning sitting 18' in the air in the 21 degree's and NOT seeing a damn deer. So as usual, about a hour into my hunt it hits me.. I have to poop. This is a very common occurrence for me! I don't know if it is the fresh air, the smell of doe pee, the coffee who knows, but it happens every time. So at this point I have become quite efficient with the process. In my 20+ years of hunting I am as if Jean Claude VanDam and Chuck Norris had a love child with my skill level. So i get done and climb back up into the stand and proceed to mentally write a book. I was thinking "The Sportsman Bible to Pooping in the Woods. I was thinking either a pop up book or a choose your own adventure would be fun.
Chapter 1 : How to undress quickly when you are dressed like the little brother from the Christmas Story movie.
Chapter 2: The Lean Technique.
Chapter 3: The Best stump for your dump.
Chapter 4: Choosing the log for your log

And so on. Please add some chapter ideas to this guaranteed sell book. 😎


----------



## bobk (Apr 30, 2004)

This reminds me of a buddy that decided to crap from his lock on stand instead of climbing down. He didn't get his pants out of the way. Yep, he crapped right into his pants. I still can't figure out why he told me about it. That would have went with me to my grave.


----------



## FOWL BRAWL (Feb 13, 2020)

5: Go,dont go, depends.
6: Dont be a quitter just because your a **itter


----------



## Bprice1031 (Mar 13, 2016)

bobk said:


> This reminds me of a buddy that decided to crap from his lock on stand instead of climbing down. He didn't get his pants out of the way. Yep, he crapped right into his pants. I still can't figure out why he told me about it. That would have went with me to my grave.


I don't think EZ is going to like you telling stories about him like that.


----------



## cement569 (Jan 21, 2016)

chapter 5. always be aware of your surroundings. years back i came down from my stand to answer the call of the wild, after i finished went back up and something caught my eye.......it was another hunter about 75 yards from me sitting in a tree stand. pretty sure he caught the whole show


----------



## Lil' Rob (Apr 11, 2004)

I try to eat earlier the previous day, so hopefully I'll have a #2 before I leave the house. That, and knowing what to not eat...no pasta for me the night before.

This doesn't always work. The difficult part is getting out of the stand without cr__ping yourself halfway down the tree.


----------



## Bvil (Sep 28, 2019)

Probably not a great idea to make your upcoming book a scratch and sniff type.


----------



## Bvil (Sep 28, 2019)

A friend's wife was pulling grain wagons while he was running the combine. Parked way back in a field, along the woods, her IBS kicked in and she had no choice but to take position against wagon wheel. Her husband finally came around to unload the hopper she told him of the situation. He started laughing uncontrollably and she said it's not that funny. He said no, it's not, except for the fact his two buddies were in tree stands along the edge of the woods. The hunters waved to them as he pointed them out.


----------



## Bvil (Sep 28, 2019)

One of my neighbors used his dad's gloves to wipe and then put them back under his truck seat. They were a little over-the-top on the practical jokes.
Same neighbor was wearing a hooded sweatshirt under his coveralls. He went into the hood of his sweatshirt and had to cut it off with his knife.


----------



## bobk (Apr 30, 2004)

Bprice1031 said:


> I don't think EZ is going to like you telling stories about him like that.


Oh, if it was ez I would told that story a long time ago. Never take a chance at picking on him.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Apr 13, 2011)

You mentioning the Susan Lucci of OGF made me think about the fact I can't remember there being a vote for top OGFer in a couple years.


----------



## Seaturd (Apr 14, 2004)

I could write a comedy chapter for you....


----------



## Shad Rap (Nov 10, 2010)

I've crapped from 20 ft up in my tree several times...just gotta know how to do it...the hell with climbing down then back up...have also killed deer not long after doing it.


----------



## bustedrod (May 13, 2015)

holy crap , i about crapped just laughing at these , hahahahha and B my women has ib, and crons so i can relate , i think the worst is when ya gotta go in the boat....have a bucket with a trash bag


----------



## Uglystix (Mar 3, 2006)

Buck Bombs.
I’ve lost a lot of good socks over the years. This thread might set a record for guys talking sh!T, just need some political views now


----------



## Fishstix (Aug 16, 2005)

I am cracking up reading all of these stories. Some of my best memories as a kid was riding to my uncles and listening to my dad and his hunting buddy tell stories of hunting over the previous 20 years. I remember them reminiscing about a time when his buddy went down in the woods to crap before they went into the woods for the morning. As they were walking in, my dad says, "you smell that? It smells like crap!" My dad's buddy says, "I don't smell it." My dads buddy set up for the morning and as it starts to get light, he begins to smell it. Turns on his flashlight and yep, he crapped all over the sleeve of his coveralls. LOL. I heard that story a few time and can remember how hard they both laughed every time it came up.

Another good story...my cousins husband and his brother use to camp during gun week. They had a rule, no crapping in the camper. It was really cold, so my cousins husband went out to crap really close to the camper. That night my cousin came down to camp to drop of a crock pot of chilly for them and walked right through it with her brand new white shoes. That still gets a good laugh at family Christmas parties. She still gets angry when it comes up LOL.


----------



## Seaturd (Apr 14, 2004)

"Shad Rap said
I've crapped from 20 ft up in my tree several times...just gotta know how to do it...the hell with climbing down then back up...have also killed deer not long after doing it.


My son, 33 yrs old at the time, mght have one-upped you when he killed a spike (that he thought was a doe) while he was in the midst of a good nature dump. He and my grandson were set up on ridge behind a large tree when the urge took over. He went over behind another tree and got down to business. Part way thru he looked around the dump tree to see what his son (9 at the time) was doing, He was facing him, wide-eyed and pointing to his right. Dad looks around the other side of the dump tree, sees 5 deer standing there at about 30 yds, slowly picks up his Winchester pump 12 ga and drops the lead deer in its tracks from the squatting position. I walked over to help drag the deer and my grandson immediately informed me "Dad shot a deer while he was taking a dump! I responded with something about deer having to crap too and he said "No! Dad was taking the dump!" I then got the play by play. We still laugh about it....


----------



## Uglystix (Mar 3, 2006)

Seaturd said:


> "Shad Rap said
> I've crapped from 20 ft up in my tree several times...just gotta know how to do it...the hell with climbing down then back up...have also killed deer not long after doing it.
> 
> 
> My son, 33 yrs old at the time, mght have one-upped you when he killed a spike (that he thought was a doe) while he was in the midst of a good nature dump. He and my grandson were set up on ridge behind a large tree when the urge took over. He went over behind another tree and got down to business. Part way thru he looked around the dump tree to see what his son (9 at the time) was doing, He was facing him, wide-eyed and pointing to his right. Dad looks around the other side of the dump tree, sees 5 deer standing there at about 30 yds, slowly picks up his Winchester pump 12 ga and drops the lead deer in its tracks from the squatting position. I walked over to help drag the deer and my grandson immediately informed me "Dad shot a deer while he was taking a dump! I responded with something about deer having to crap too and he said "No! Dad was taking the dump!" I then got the play by play. We still laugh about it....


That’s hilarious! Multitasking.


----------



## Southernsaug (May 23, 2019)

Seaturd, your story reminded me of one principle of pooping in the woods, Never leave your gun out of reach. I was turkey hunting once and I had heard a bird gobbling about 200 yards up the valley, and on my way I had one of those OMG I can't get my pants down quick enough attacks. On my way over the bank I leaned my gun against a tree and moved on about 10 yards. When I was done and just ready to pull up my pants, something told me to look up. There stood a big ole long beard intently watching me from about 40 yards. With pants half up I start to waddle towards my gun and this bird just stands there until I get to my gun and soon as I touch it, putt putt he's gone. I could hear him laughing all the way. I think they know when your disabled.


----------



## Lewis (Apr 5, 2004)

I climbed up into my treestand one beautiful fall day for a bowhunt. This particular stand I used small, hinged, hanging steps, which I kept in my fanny pack, as footholds and handholds to ascend and descend the tree, placing them on lags as I went up and removing them as I climbed down. Immediately after getting settled in I smelled chit really strong!. I let a friend sit in my stand the night before and he mentioned he had to climb down to take a raging crap. Yep....I somehow walked through it! It was all over my boots and every step was coated in chit. I came down from the tree with gloves on...threw them away! I then headed to a creek to wash my steps...headed out of the woods cussing...lol


----------



## Fishstix (Aug 16, 2005)

Lewis said:


> I climbed up into my treestand one beautiful fall day for a bowhunt. This particular stand I used small, hinged, hanging steps, which I kept in my fanny pack, as footholds and handholds to ascend and descend the tree, placing them on lags as I went up and removing them as I climbed down. Immediately after getting settled in I smelled chit really strong!. I let a friend sit in my stand the night before and he mentioned he had to climb down to take a raging crap. Yep....I somehow walked through it! It was all over my boots and every step was coated in chit. I came down from the tree with gloves on...threw them away! I then headed to a creek to wash my steps...headed out of the woods cussing...lol


LOL...that is unfortunate and nasty


----------



## threeten (Feb 5, 2014)

Had a buddy get the urge while rabbit hunting in January. He picked a blow down with a big root ball sticking up and assumed the position while holding onto a root, well the root broke and he rolled around in his own mess. With only one DUKE napkin to clean it up. 
Hasn’t been a deer camp in the last 25 yrs. that the story hasn’t been told. The memory is just as vivid and still makes me cry laughing to tell it.


----------



## Saugeyefisher (Jul 19, 2010)

Lots of crappy situations here....
If I'm fishing early morning off the beaten path I always put on an old under shirt. Something I can hack away at for tp.
Something about early mornings on the water and having to go. 
We got one spot a few of us fish pretty far away from any roads . There's a small game trail we follow to navigate up an down the river spots. I've left a couple gifts for my buddy's on that trail ....


----------



## jmciw17 (Sep 4, 2007)

my buddy that hunts with me gets a deer every year and you can find his huntig spot by looking for a dump in the woods and a gut pile not far from it and he smokes all day he is lucky


----------



## Uglystix (Mar 3, 2006)

It’s funny how us men will wear an extra shirt or use socks (my go to) but be damned if we carry a little toilet paper.


----------



## Lil' Rob (Apr 11, 2004)

Uglystix said:


> It’s funny how us men will wear an extra shirt or use socks (my go to) but be damned if we carry a little toilet paper.


Not me...got TP in a ziploc baggie in my hunting pack, in my boat, and in the truck at all times.


----------



## G-Patt (Sep 3, 2013)

Lil' Rob said:


> Not me...got TP in a ziploc baggie in my hunting pack, in my boat, and in the truck at all times.


Same here. I get a chuckle when I find ziplock bags of it in my hunting jacket pockets, tackle box, hunting backpack and in the back of the car. I never go into the woods or fishing without TP. It's great for blood trails/deer tracking too.


----------



## Fishstix (Aug 16, 2005)

Lil' Rob said:


> Not me...got TP in a ziploc baggie in my hunting pack, in my boat, and in the truck at all times.


Same, I always carry TP in my backpack. If I had to forget something, I'd rather forget my ammo instead of TP. Terrible feeling when you are way out in the woods with no TP.


----------



## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

Just so everyone knows. You can poop from a viper climber. I shot a buck one day 10 min after I climbed up in the tree. My friend was hunting a stand about 80 yards away from me and the deer dropped where we could both see it. I didn't want to ruin his hunt so I just settled back in to take a nap. About 10 min later my stomach starts making some god awful noises. I knew where this was heading. I started to regret all the beer, shots and hot wings the night before. So I hung up my xbow, stood up and raised up my shooting rail and seat up to around my shoulders and I dropped my pants, faced the tree, grabbed hold of my shooting rail leaned back and let it rip. I was amazed. Who new you could shoot liquid poo a good 15-20 feet out your butt. Settled back in and went to sleep until my buddy called and said he was ready to leave. this is a funny post.


----------



## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

Another time I was wading the Sandusky river shooting ducks and fox squirrels. Stomach started grumbling again. Climbed out of the river, found a tree to lean against, pulled down my chest waders and pants and did the deed. It was one of those that smelled so bad I couldn't hardly stand myself. I cleaned up pulled up my pants and waders and back to the river I went. The smell stayed with me and I thought, man that was a bad one I must be down wind. About 20 yards down the river I look behind me over my right shoulder and see that I had pooped all over my right wader strap!


----------



## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

Southernsaug said:


> Seaturd, your story reminded me of one principle of pooping in the woods, Never leave your gun out of reach. I was turkey hunting once and I had heard a bird gobbling about 200 yards up the valley, and on my way I had one of those OMG I can't get my pants down quick enough attacks. On my way over the bank I leaned my gun against a tree and moved on about 10 yards. When I was done and just ready to pull up my pants, something told me to look up. There stood a big ole long beard intently watching me from about 40 yards. With pants half up I start to waddle towards my gun and this bird just stands there until I get to my gun and soon as I touch it, putt putt he's gone. I could hear him laughing all the way. I think they know when your disabled.


I shot two fox squirrels once that came chasing each other to me while I was doing the deed leaning against a tree. Grabbed the bolt action 16 gauge and shot them both then finished my business. Don't ever leave your gun out of reach.


----------



## one3 (Dec 1, 2015)

One time ,I, was deer hunting, the urge it me. Walked over to a fallen tree, got in amoungst the branches. Took care of the urge. Just as ,I, was about to stand up, the branch ,I was leaning aganist broke. Down ,I went right into the, yep you guest it. Seems like if you go out enough any thing can happen.


----------



## ya13ya03 (Sep 21, 2010)

This thread needs a sticky (no pun) in the comedy section.


----------



## Ol' Whiskers (Aug 11, 2004)

Plenty of us have been caught out in the situation. Wonder how many have been 'caught' in the act on somebody's gamecam?


----------

