# fishing interfering with life at home



## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

We have been in a relationship for about a year now. I get out a few days a week until recently. The complaint that fishing is more of a priority has been causing some riffles at home so I've slowed down a lot. Its driving me crazy. I need to find some sort of compromise that works for us both. Help?


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## Bad Bub (Jan 17, 2006)

Welcome to the big leagues son... :/
Seriously though, we've all been there. When you're single, it's all your time. If you want a relationship, you're going to have to compromise. When me and my wife started dating 8+ years ago, we went rounds over fishing regularly. I fished ever tournament I could if I wasn't at work. I took 2, week long trips a year, fished federation tournaments, including 2 day regional, state qualifier, and state championship tournaments. It caused major rifts in our relationship. So, not being one to give up on anything, I dropped down to fishing just one circuit, pre planned for open tournaments, and cut my trips to 1 week long vacation a season. We have a calendar on the wall that we plan off of. We've both compromised and it has worked out much better. Now that I have a 3 year old son, the only trip I've taken since he was born was a 4 day trip to Chautauqua this fall. Most of my tournament fishing has been close to home and I don't get nearly as much "fun fishing" in as I used to. You've got to decide for yourself how much is enough and if giving up some of "your" time to make it "our" time is worth it to you. I still fish almost every weekend and on Thursday nights during the summer, and for now, it's enough to get my fix, and still keep my spot in the bed at home. 

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## Mr. A (Apr 23, 2012)

ThereelJimDandy said:


> We have been in a relationship for about a year now. I get out a few days a week until recently. The complaint that fishing is more of a priority has been causing some riffles at home so I've slowed down a lot. Its driving me crazy. I need to find some sort of compromise that works for us both. Help?


Bub, I don't know you from Adam. I do have over 10 years in my marriage, my parents are near 50, so I have somewhat of a clue as to how to keep things even keeled at home; what I can tell you is this:

Don't lie to, for or about her; be firm, fair, and consistent in your dealings with her. 

No relationship is perfect, but follow my advice and you can minimize the bumps in the road.

Now, if you don't want to start the conversation, just show her your post to get the ball rolling, and keep my advice in mind. This is a negotiation so if your ONLY talking about fishing, make sure she isn't also including your bowling league, dart league, softball games, etc... Be firm, fair, and consistent...

BTW; you live by me, we should go fishing sometime.


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## walleyejigger (Sep 29, 2009)

Find you a womann that likes to fish and problem will be solved .


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## gerb (Apr 13, 2010)

if fishing takes up most of your free time...be prepared to lose some of that. it sucks, but you kinda gotta show that you love her as much as your hobbies. hopefully you find some middle ground.


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## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

That is the only thing I do besides work. I dont bowl or golf or hunt or anything like that. We have a great life together, but this recent insecurity is for the birds. I wish we could fish together, I dont think he has ever been. Might take an interest, but we would have to be on fish right away.


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## CarpetBagger (Sep 21, 2009)

Tell her you'll go to the bar instead...

Lots worse things u could be doing and places you could be going besides fishing...


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## sbreech (Jun 6, 2010)

Buy a rod for her. Take her fishing so she can see how much enjoyment you get from fishing. You can't fish ALL the time... Set up date nights with her. Schedule your fish outings AFTER you schedule date/dinner/movie times. Were you fishing before her?


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## Snyd (May 5, 2004)

Yip - Most of us have all been there one time on another - I guess sometimes I dont realize how lucky i have it. My wife grew up with her dad and brother hunting and fishing so it hasn't been a big issue with me. However, there are times I still have to give and take. For example, you may have to go out to eat and take her to a movie one day - The next day you tell her its her turn to do something you want to do. Even if she doesn't want to fish buy her a book to take with her and she can read while you fish.


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## SlabSlayR (Jan 23, 2012)

I do believe Brad Paisley had a song for just this type of situation.............. Oh, and here it is!!!

[YOUTUBE]



[/YOUTUBE][/url]


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## ski (May 13, 2004)

It's called 'sacrifice'. It's something you have to do when you are married, have kids or are in a relationship. If you care about someone enough, you have to give a little in one way or another. Life is not all about you and your wants anymore, yet you should not have to give up everything. Discuss with her your wants, maybe 1-2 outings a week? Then discuss with her what she wants. DO you go out on dates together? DO you have 'Quality time' together? 
If you get married and have kids, good luck. Talk about no time to fish...

ski
married 8 years with 3 kids.


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## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

I think I'll take him out this afternoon. I have plenty of poles. Any suggestions to help us be on fish right away. Probably easier to plant the addiction with a successful trip.


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## rustyfish (Apr 27, 2004)

Increasing the quaily of your time with her will increase the quanity of you get to fish. 
I gave up video games, tv, and cut way back on drinking with the guys. Gave up basketball and softball leages and gold outings. The only wood working project I do anymore are ones for my wife. Then I gave up any hunting other than deer.

It is to the the point now where if I am not at work, fishing or deer hunting then I am at home with or out with my family. We don't watch tv, we spend real time with each other and do a lot of things that they enjoy and I don't. 

Suck it up. She is right you are wrong. She gets to choose. She is the boss. She is a princess. All day every until its time for fishing then you put you foot down. You get fishing and she gets everything else. It works.

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## streamstalker (Jul 8, 2005)

The pronouns in this thread just aren't agreeing with each other. 

Lots of sound advice though!


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## Bonecrusher (Aug 7, 2010)

So far here is where I am in life...
I have ended 3 relationships from my Canoe on the river, 2 on the boat on Erie, 1 from my tree stand. 

I have been married a little over a year now. I warned my wife when we started dating. I fish and I hunt. I will miss birthdays, meetings, family get togethers, and all kinds of important stuff. It's gonna happen and if you don't like it we need to go no further. I try to make it a point not to miss this stuff but I am not coming back in 1 walleye short of a limit from the border to make it to a party for a baby shower for one of her friends I don't even like. 

She understands and I do my best to keep her happy. I do feel that honesty is the best policy in this situation.


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## FAB (May 26, 2013)

In your replies you have twice indicated that your partner is male. Are you male or female it makes a difference in the way you approach this thing. If you are female then you will have to consider that maybe your guy is jealous of you spending time possibly with someone else. Regardless of what kind of time it is with someone else it's still time with anyone but him. 

If it is a same sex relationship, then the same human emotions will still apply. Reserve a mutual time each week to do something together that your partner enjoys . The time allotments should be fairly equal and consistent.

If the weather is bad on your time to fish you can't take it from his time .


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## OutdoorLife (Sep 28, 2012)

rustyfish said:


> Increasing the quaily of your time with her will increase the quanity of you get to fish.
> I gave up video games, tv, and cut way back on drinking with the guys. Gave up basketball and softball leages and gold outings. The only wood working project I do anymore are ones for my wife. Then I gave up any hunting other than deer.
> 
> It is to the the point now where if I am not at work, fishing or deer hunting then I am at home with or out with my family. We don't watch tv, we spend real time with each other and do a lot of things that they enjoy and I don't.
> ...


I'm afraid rustyfish is pretty near spot on. I've been married 13 years. 3 kids. After about 10 years of fishing about 5 times a year because of raising kids up out of diapers I finally am getting out once a week. We do family trips too - wet to Lake Cumberland last week, Tennessee for summer vacation, Florida for spring break - all intense fishing fun but also all family oriented. 

I'd also say, find a buddy who you fish with who is also in a relationship and start hanging out as couples. If it gels, the girls will bond while guys go fishing. Trust me that has made a huge difference for me. 

This is not a bad thing my friend, just a new season in life that can be full of awesome stuff. Hang tough.



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## sbreech (Jun 6, 2010)

Book multiple options vacations. Like next year, I'm taking the family to the beach. They can soak all day in the sun, I can surf fish in the morning and evening, and we can enjoy dinner and games at night.
[/COLOR] 
Balance is crucial.

17 years and still going...


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## RiPpInLiPs614 (Feb 18, 2011)

ThereelJimDandy said:


> Any suggestions to help us be on fish right away.


Mentioned twice just saying lol


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## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

streamstalker said:


> The pronouns in this thread just aren't agreeing with each other.
> 
> Lots of sound advice though!


Pronouns are agreeing just fine. And yes lots of wonderful advice.


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## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

FAB said:


> In your replies you have twice indicated that your partner is male. Are you male or female it makes a difference in the way you approach this thing. If you are female then you will have to consider that maybe your guy is jealous of you spending time possibly with someone else. Regardless of what kind of time it is with someone else it's still time with anyone but him.
> 
> If it is a same sex relationship, then the same human emotions will still apply. Reserve a mutual time each week to do something together that your partner enjoys . The time allotments should be fairly equal and consistent.
> 
> If the weather is bad on your time to fish you can't take it from his time .


Yes I am a man in a same sex partnership. I enjoy the company of a lady as well, and still have interactions with women regularly. My home partner is currently a man. I think that is what makes it so difficult to address this situation. What man is not able to appreciate the solitude of a fishing trip. I will be taking him out this afternoon and hopefully he will also enjoy God's solitude on the water. I'm afraid he is either going to love it or hate it. If her loves it I might not get much time out by myself. If he hates it I might not get much time out. If it falls in the middle it will be perfect!


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## ThereelJimDandy (Nov 7, 2013)

RiPpInLiPs614 said:


> Mentioned twice just saying lol


If I were wetting line by myself I would not care whether or not I caught anything. But I am introducing a grown man to the sport for the first time, obviously I am going to do my best to make it a productive trip. I know several places I visit on a regular but I consider myself to be more advanced than he is going to be. Thinking the best vert for him would be the old bobber and minnow technique, I have not done that in many many years.


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## sporto (Jun 7, 2005)

Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction....It will never get better, either your woman gets it or she doesn't....


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## fredg53 (Sep 17, 2010)

Sporto is right on


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## Cut Bait (Feb 3, 2006)

Been married for 30 years now and when we first got together I told here I fished a lot and nothing will change that. Now I have toned it down some and quit smoking and mostly drinking for her. You just have to find that happy medium. Oh and also remember these words of wisdom " Yes Dear ". Those words will come in handy. Good luck.


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## Mushijobah (May 4, 2004)

Find a new partner! People who are against it (for whatever reason) are pretty hard lined in my experience.


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## Bubbagon (Mar 8, 2010)

Mushijobah said:


> Find a new partner! People who are against it (for whatever reason) are pretty hard lined in my experience.


X10
My best, well now former best fishing buddy got divorced many years ago and married the first thing that threw him a piece. That piece happened to belong to a chick who despises hunting/fishing.
He's a shell of himself now, seriously.


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## Bad Bub (Jan 17, 2006)

ThereelJimDandy said:


> If I were wetting line by myself I would not care whether or not I caught anything. But I am introducing a grown man to the sport for the first time, obviously I am going to do my best to make it a productive trip. I know several places I visit on a regular but I consider myself to be more advanced than he is going to be. Thinking the best vert for him would be the old bobber and minnow technique, I have not done that in many many years.


Don't just focus on the fishing aspect of it either. My wife will fish some, but would rather lay across the seats and read a book or watch an osprey dive into the water. For that reason, we almost always go to electric only lakes that are known for lots of "other" wildlife. No waves and running around, and other things other than fishing to help pass her time keep me on the water longer. Sometimes you need to just introduce the outdoors, and they'll find what pique's their interest.

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## geoffoquinn (Oct 2, 2011)

Be well thought out. Lie, lie, lie, in certain situations. Figure out a perfect alibi and instead of doing that go fishing. I'm now self employed and I use work as an excuse sometimes when I have no work for the day. I also carry a fishing pole in the truck everywhere I go. If I get a chance I hop out and get some fishing done. Between the sanctioned and non sanctioned trips I'm fishing more. If you value your relationship as much as your fishing you need to lie. If and when he or she finds out you're lying don't apologize. Take whatever he or she has to say and then contradict it with the way you exactly feel and promise not to change. They will eventually either quit asking questions and accept it or leave. Be prepared for a fight but cut that short with the old this is not an argument it's a monolog cause if you quit harping on me this conversation would be over. Refuse to engage the topic any further. The reason for the lying is to bring the problem to a head instead of letting he or she slowly chip away at what makes you a whole person and force a confrontation so you can regain control by taking a stand, making your case and letting it be known that this is who you are. Good luck!


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## DC9781 (Apr 3, 2009)

geoffoquinn said:


> Be well thought out. Lie, lie, lie, in certain situations. Figure out a perfect alibi and instead of doing that go fishing. I'm now self employed and I use work as an excuse sometimes when I have no work for the day. I also carry a fishing pole in the truck everywhere I go. If I get a chance I hop out and get some fishing done. Between the sanctioned and non sanctioned trips I'm fishing more. If you value your relationship as much as your fishing you need to lie. If and when he or she finds out you're lying don't apologize. Take whatever he or she has to say and then contradict it with the way you exactly feel and promise not to change. They will eventually either quit asking questions and accept it or leave. Be prepared for a fight but cut that short with the old this is not an argument it's a monolog cause if you quit harping on me this conversation would be over. Refuse to engage the topic any further. The reason for the lying is to bring the problem to a head instead of letting he or she slowly chip away at what makes you a whole person and force a confrontation so you can regain control by taking a stand, making your case and letting it be known that this is who you are. Good luck!


Note to self.. Don't ever take advice from geoffoquin. I sure hope that post was a joke. If so, it was a very bad one.


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## acklac7 (May 31, 2004)

Doesn't look like we will be hearing from Jim or his partner "Demetrius" any time soon.


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## Net (Apr 10, 2004)

Closed. 

The OP is a former member having his jollies.


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