# Rules for Dating my Granddaughter



## Shortdrift (Apr 5, 2004)

I thought about the boys that will be dating my granddaughter sometime in the future. Thought I would put together some rules to hand them as they come to the door.

OK fella, you want to date Grandpas Grandaughter ?

Rule One: 
If you pull into her driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. YOU WILL walk to the door and ask to meet her!

Rule Two:
You do not touch my Grandaughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of her body, I WILL REMOVE THEM. 

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my Granddaughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. 

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my Granddaughter safely back at her house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" 

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my Grandaughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 

Rule Seven:
As you stand in the front hallway, waiting for my Granddaughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My Grandaughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? 

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my Granddaughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce her to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. 

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, old-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my Granddaughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. 

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It is required that as soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my Granddaughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The face at the window is mine.


----------



## Wannabitawerm (Apr 13, 2004)

I will be certain to print 4 copies of this out and give them to my sons. I will have to read it to the 11 month old, but it's never too early to put them on the right path.


----------



## Ruminator (Apr 6, 2004)

AMEN RON !!


----------



## peple of the perch (Sep 13, 2004)

that is funny


----------



## Fish4Fun (Apr 6, 2004)

LOL good one ron, I'll have to print that list in a few years my self.

NOTE: In the event that any rule is broken i will take you on a fishing trip to the big lake and one of us will not be coming back.


----------



## liquidsoap (Oct 22, 2005)

Fish4Fun said:


> NOTE: In the event that any rule is broken i will take you on a fishing trip to the big lake and one of us will not be coming back.


 
Yea kids are getting stronger these days. Just remeber to wear your new inflatable life jacket.


----------



## Fish4Fun (Apr 6, 2004)

LOL, They be getting stronger but they sure aren't any smarter LOL.


----------



## smalliediehard (Oct 28, 2005)

oh man that was funny!


----------



## lakeslouie (Jan 11, 2006)

Ditto the funny! Another idea is to just happen to polish your shotgun when young man comes in to pick up date. Work the "action" to make sure its smooth! [email protected] Works for me!


----------



## Bassboy883 (Sep 27, 2005)

you guys are all the same, you don't realize that fact that it might just be your little girl that breaks every rule you just wrote. Take some time to ponder on that one.


----------



## Lundy (Apr 5, 2004)

Bassboy883 said:


> you guys are all the same, you don't realize that fact that it might just be your little girl that breaks every rule you just wrote. Take some time to ponder on that one.


After great deliberation and pondering  , as a grandfather raising a 13 year old granddaughter that is looking way to mature for her age, I would have to agree with your assessment of future possibilities of rules violations. However, that as it may be, there will never be any variance to the prescribed consequences for violations of said rules. She would be grounded  , he would be pounded!


----------



## Pipeliner (Apr 5, 2004)

Lundy is Right!!!!!!!

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH , What ever he said!!!!! 
Beautiful little girl there Ron,,,, I'm glad she is doing well....
Stan


----------



## Stoshu (Nov 6, 2004)

Bassboy883 said:


> you guys are all the same, you don't realize that fact that it might just be your little girl that breaks every rule you just wrote. Take some time to ponder on that one.


All girls are ANGELS  

All boys are potential TROUBLE  (I know...I was one of trouble-makers ) 

2 daughters = 1 double barrel Shotgun

I going to print the rules out and have the young men sign it to show they understand it...


----------



## CountryKat (Apr 5, 2004)

I love the rules set forth. I have 2 daughters myself and have pondered the day it will start happening. You know, TELL HIM TO COME IN AND HAVE A CHAT WITH DAD BEFORE WE CAN LEAVE!!!!! Should I show him my gun collection as an ice breaker??


----------



## spooner (Jun 26, 2004)

I have 3 daughters and 1 son. I actually had one boy that (after telling him a couple times) pulled up, honked for my daughter, and when I WOULD NOT let her go out...preceeded to flip me off with BOTH fingers and drive away. And this was a supposedly religious boy. He NEVER came back!!!! Worked great! All the boys that have entered my girls' lives are WELL aware of all the rules the 1st time they enter. In fact, my son-in-law (who has been with the family about 7 years) still to this day will wait for me to tell him to sit before he comes past the doorway!!  They say I tend to be a little intimidating (Can you imagine)? Now my son.......that will be an interesting challenge!!


----------



## Shortdrift (Apr 5, 2004)

............. 14 replies recognize the intended humor as well as the subtle messages written into this thread. I didn't want to post it in the Comedy Forum as I doubt it would have had the often humorous and descriptive reply's that were generated. 

Spooner!? What are you doing here.   Last time I saw you, you were not like "all the rest of us".


----------



## spooner (Jun 26, 2004)

I think when it comes to having kids, we ALL end up dealing with the same issues. The big difference is...how we deal with them. That is what determines the outcomes! And there are some things wish I could have done different! Like they asked one day on the radio..."If you could see the job description for being a parent ahead of time, would you apply for the job?"


----------



## ss minnow (Aug 11, 2005)

I shot the first boy that came around. Word spread quickly and I haven't had to make or enforce any dating rules...............ok. i am kidding.......


----------



## jeffmo (Apr 7, 2004)

just don't let them date until they're 30!!!


----------



## Wannabitawerm (Apr 13, 2004)

I have 4 boys. That being said,

...with 4 boys, I have 4 p****'s to worry about. With 1 girl, you have to worry about ALL of them!!!


----------



## Shortdrift (Apr 5, 2004)

Never thought about it that way! Now I'll have to check out an extended magazine for the 870.


----------



## CounterTrey (Aug 26, 2006)

Heh...amusing list. Just going on experience though...with two sisters and a brother it's not even close., The sisters were the corrupting force. They'd still fall into the rule beraker category.

Hey ss minnow...you see this?...

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20060828/minnow_060828/20060828?hub=Canada


----------



## Bassboy883 (Sep 27, 2005)

Thank you CounterTrey finally some one has shared my experiences.


----------



## COmmodore 64 (Jun 24, 2006)

I've got one daughter and another on the way. I'm not so sure that clamping down on them in such ways will lead to them being responsible about boys/sex/relationships.

I'll probably feel differently in 13 years or so.


----------



## Jeffrey47 (Jul 31, 2018)

Your rules are a little harsh but fair. We were all boys of 16 years old and we understand what boys want at this age. I think I could take your rules, but I have a son and not a daughter. Although they are useful to him too. I just think that it is difficult for teenagers, they have no experience, for them everything is the first time. When I was 16, I was afraid to embarrass myself in front of my future girlfriend, then I decided to use the services of one agency, namely tall escort (discover here). Since the girl who was with me that night was older and more experienced than me, she did all the main work. I just watched and learned. Of course it didn't help much, but at least the fear disappeared. In any case, I was not insolent to ordinary girls. Because I understood that this is not cultural and that they have grandfathers who will then conduct me an "outrageous" conversation about my behavior.


----------



## CoonDawg92 (Jun 1, 2016)

Is that a record for resurrecting a thread!


----------



## pawcat (Oct 24, 2011)

^^^^^^ I hear ya!!! ole Ron is a great grampa know lol


----------



## CCD (Apr 18, 2013)

I have 10 granddaughters.Great advice.


----------



## Karl Wolf (Apr 26, 2020)

** Rule 1 of dating a granddaughter**

Dont date a anyones granddaughter that has 5 kids by 3 fathers already. (Seems like the new norm)


----------



## Shortdrift (Apr 5, 2004)

I had completely forgotten this thread and the reply's in which was a great way to start the day.
Three beautiful married daughters and two beautiful grand daughters 13 and 5. I will send both fathers a copy of the rules.


----------



## samiam (Jan 6, 2011)

If you make these rules for your granddaughter you failed as a parent!


----------



## Lundy (Apr 5, 2004)

Wow, a discussion from 14 years ago


----------



## Saugeye Tom (Oct 6, 2010)

cleaning guns in front of them seems to work too....


----------



## one3 (Dec 1, 2015)

Pretty much the same rules i had for my daughter. I had 1 more, your grade point adverage must be at least 4.0. That way I at least know you have some sort of smarts. I, will interview you before you go any place. Yep, I know I, am the meanest person that ever drew a breath.


----------



## Lewzer (Apr 5, 2004)

Sitting here at Bob Evans in Dover with my 15 yo daughter after kayak fishing all day at AEP. Showed her this....
Last night mom and I took her and her boyfriend out to eat after they hung out all day. We pull into his driveway and they were talking outside his front door. He was about to give her a hug and his dad flips the lights on and opens the door. 
Perfect timing! His dad will keep that boy in line. She hops back in the truck all red and embarrassed. Mom and I had a good laugh.


----------



## laguna21 (Feb 16, 2010)

Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll be a perfect gentleman and the two of you will bond right away................


----------



## Lil' Rob (Apr 11, 2004)

Not sure where I heard this one...but, you can simply tell the young man..."I have no problem going _back_ to prison.".


----------



## crappiedude (Mar 12, 2006)

Lundy said:


> Wow, a discussion from 14 years ago


When I saw the original post date I was thinking someone has to be really, really bored to go back that far.


----------



## DHower08 (Nov 20, 2015)

one3 said:


> Pretty much the same rules i had for my daughter. I had 1 more, your grade point adverage must be at least 4.0. That way I at least know you have some sort of smarts. I, will interview you before you go any place. Yep, I know I, am the meanest person that ever drew a breath.


Sure good grades are important but good grades don't make you smart. They just mean your a good test taker. If I had a daughter I would rather them date someone that could read a timing light and sparkplugs more so than a book


----------



## one3 (Dec 1, 2015)

DHower08 said:


> Sure good grades are important but good grades don't make you smart. They just mean your a good test taker. If I had a daughter I would rather them date someone that could read a timing light and sparkplugs more so than a book


Yes, I agree with you. Just trying to keep her from the dead beats.


----------



## cincinnati (May 24, 2004)

Saw a shirt somewhere that read “Remember when dating my daughter, I have a gun, a backhoe & can keep a secret.”


----------



## Flathead76 (May 2, 2010)

Saugeye Tom said:


> cleaning guns in front of them seems to work too....


Too old school. Need to up your game. The guns make good props to have laying around though. When the guy pulls into the driveway insist that they come in and meet you. If your first impression is “there is no way that this Puke is taking out my daughter” this is what you do to get rid of them fast. Done correctly the word will spread. After your daughter introduces Puke insist on offering him something to drink. Point to the cabinet for him to grab a glass for you to pour his drink in. After Puke is finished with his drink walk up to him with a gallon sized zip lock freezer bag for him to put his empty glass in. Seal bag and place next to your favorite gun in front of young Puke. Done correctly young Pukes name and plate numbers would be written onto the bag before the glass with finger prints and dna gets sealed.


----------



## Saugeye Tom (Oct 6, 2010)

Flathead76 said:


> Too old school. Need to up your game. The guns make good props to have laying around though. When the guy pulls into the driveway insist that they come in and meet you. If your first impression is “there is no way that this Puke is taking out my daughter” this is what you do to get rid of them fast. Done correctly the word will spread. After your daughter introduces Puke insist on offering him something to drink. Point to the cabinet for him to grab a glass for you to pour his drink in. After Puke is finished with his drink walk up to him with a gallon sized zip lock freezer bag for him to put his empty glass in. Seal bag and place next to your favorite gun in front of young Puke. Done correctly young Pukes name and plate numbers would be written onto the bag before the glass with finger prints and dna gets sealed.


muhahaha


----------



## grez13 (Nov 24, 2013)

Always told my son who was 6' 7" at 15.
Old age and treachery will always beat youth and enthusiasm.


----------



## Upland (Nov 3, 2016)

one little amendment He must be gainfully employed


----------



## Snackmans Dad (May 2, 2007)

I told my now son in-law in my best godfather accent voice " What ever you do to her, I'm gonna do to you!" His eyes about popped out of his head.


----------

