# "Sayings"



## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

In some recent posts, i have seen some "sayings" which has me thinking of some that ive used or heard over the many years
Does anyone have some they want to share?
I'm sure this has been discussed here before but i didn't feel the need to do the search.

When i was going through my apprenticeship for machinist/ tool and die maker, this one old-timer would always tell me when we were "picking out a corner" on a surface grinder and trying to hold +/-.0003 that it was like picking the fly $hit out of pepper with boxing gloves on.

The same old timmer would also say hopefully the wife was at home sliding down the banister warming up dinner for when he got home

Boy i miss those days of learning and listening to the "old-timers" at work


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## lawrence1 (Jul 2, 2008)

My Great Aunt would say "what the Dickens?"


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## chadwimc (Jun 27, 2007)

Old Navy vet turned machinist: "Machine to specs, file to fit, paint to match".


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

^^^^ beat it to fit paint it to match*


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## 0utwest (Mar 21, 2017)

MIGHTY would say when he fired up his 12 valve Dodge Cummins , I Bet She'll Pull Down A Georgia Pine !


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## threeten (Feb 5, 2014)

Nothing new after two......
Won’t see me after three!


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## chadwimc (Jun 27, 2007)

"If cooking was difficult, women couldn't do it "... Me


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## UFM82 (Apr 6, 2004)

If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose. Yes, you.v

You know it.


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## erie mako (Jan 22, 2013)

Better late than never...

He'd be late to his own funeral...

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...

Measure twice, cut once...

Close enough for government work...


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## chadwimc (Jun 27, 2007)

"I've cut this board twice and it's still too short"...


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## Hatchetman (Apr 13, 2004)

Better to let people think your a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt....


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## Weekender#1 (Mar 25, 2006)

Why is there never enough time to do a job right but usually plenty of time to do it over.


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## garhtr (Jan 12, 2009)

The **** hunter in me always liked " barking up the wrong tree"


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## MagicMarker (Mar 19, 2017)

Don’t marry for money. Marry for love. Find a rich girl and fall in love


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## Yeada (May 21, 2013)

At work we always had a saying-Nobody knows you till you do something wrong


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## Legend killer (Apr 20, 2011)

After tuning my blower it now runs like a scalded dog.


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## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

Running around like an opossum in the headlights.


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## hes (Feb 4, 2006)

My best automobile was a “ROLLSCANHARDLY”
it rolled down one hill and could hardly make it up the next.....


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## Specwar (Sep 22, 2014)

I’ve heard and used so many in my lifetime, however the reoccurring one is _“ The only easy day was yesterday”._


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## Specwar (Sep 22, 2014)

Can remember walking down the street or hanging out at the home town Dairy Queen, and when you saw one of your buddies you would yell 
_“ where’s all the fluff”. *(Girls)*_


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## PJF (Mar 25, 2009)

Close Enough for the Girls we go out with. It's a White Hell out there. Busier than a One Armed Paper hanger in a Wind Storm. And Beauty is only skin deep-but ugliness goes clean to the bone. The WV Ohio River old timer "Big enough to fit on a hot dog bun, big enough to Keep".


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## ress (Jan 1, 2008)

hes said:


> My best automobile was a “ROLLSCANHARDLY”
> it rolled down one hill and could hardly make it up the next.....


I thought my dad owned that one!


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## Specgrade (Apr 14, 2017)

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

You makin' a career outta that?


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## buckeyebowman (Feb 24, 2012)

chadwimc said:


> Old Navy vet turned machinist: "Machine to specs, file to fit, paint to match".


In the steel mill we had a different version. "Bash to fit, paint to hide!"


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## tommyboy (May 12, 2013)

My two favorites
If it was easy anybody could do it

Burning daylight 

My dads always tells me. If it’s an electrical problem “check your grounds”. He’s right 98% of the time.


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## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

"I can't see it from my house"


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## mach1cj (Apr 11, 2004)

My dad always said, "I'll bet you can't blow in a dead bull's a$$ and make him bellar".


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## garhtr (Jan 12, 2009)

Redheads said:


> "I can't see it from my house"


 One of my first jobs was in a sign shop, we made huge store front signs and canopies for gas stations and I bet I heard that at least 10,000 times.


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## lakebilly440 (Apr 12, 2016)

useful as a rubber beak on woodpecker

My dads favorite to say to me whenever i was trying to figure something out "you look like a monkey trying to F*** a football 

a hard head makes for a sore butt

Sweating like a whore in church


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## ditchdigger (Feb 22, 2012)

When someone is explaining something to you and you get it... “I smell what your stepping in”


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## Lewis (Apr 5, 2004)

"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you"
"Battleship mouth, rowboat a$$"
"She fell out of an ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down"


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## ya13ya03 (Sep 21, 2010)

When finding a great deal. 
" It's like a sore peter, you just can't beat it"


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## lunder (Aug 23, 2005)

When someone's confused or senile: "That poor fool doesn't know if he's on foot or on horseback"


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## garhtr (Jan 12, 2009)

When things went from bad to good my friend always said " now we're cooking with gas"


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

grease in cheaper than machinery


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

It's not the size of the hammer but how you pound the nail.


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## cement569 (Jan 21, 2016)

if you expect to soar with the eagles in the morning, don't hoot with the owls all night. was told that back when I was a teen during hunting season and me and my buddys were out chasing skirts


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## jredheadc (Feb 16, 2008)

My Dad would say "If frogs had machine guns, snakes wouldn't f*** with 'em". He would also say "It don't mean s*** to a tree". My Pap always has some witty saying. You never know what will fall out of his mouth.


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

until the cows come home.


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

Built like a brick shi*house


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

The early bird gets the worm


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

Hang em high...


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## Nauti cat (Nov 30, 2009)

A hillbilly buddy of mine would say "if I tell you a fish farts look in the bowl for the bubbles" or " cut her half in two" then I would say so you want four pieces ?


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## lawrence1 (Jul 2, 2008)

Indian saying; Big hat, no cattle.


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

Don't piss into the wind


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

A stitch in time ,saves nine.


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## ShaneMC (Nov 27, 2012)

your ass is grass.. an I'm the lawnmower

Speak of the devil

dead in the water


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## Lundy (Apr 5, 2004)

Those that can, fish, the rest troll on lake Erie


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## kanu (Nov 22, 2015)

Groucho Marx said" you say the word, you get the bird" on his TV show. I am not exactly certain what this one means but here it is; 
The early worm gets the bird.


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## InlandKid (Aug 29, 2006)

Hotter than a fresh screwed goose.
Dryer than owl sh!t


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

Doesn't have a pot to piss in..
That's a shoemaker job ( half ass)
Squeaky wheel get's the grease
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally
Too many cooks spoil the soup


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## cement569 (Jan 21, 2016)

dont stir sh**t if it don't stink


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## captainshotgun (Jul 8, 2009)

Stiffer than the preachers pr..k


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

a whiskey glass or a womans a$$ can make a fool out of any man


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## cement569 (Jan 21, 2016)

quicker than sh**t through a goose


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

plan your work work your plan


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## PJF (Mar 25, 2009)

Shi_ting in tall cotton. Hornier than a 2 peckered Billy Goat.


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## bwarrenuk (Jan 4, 2015)

Slow down were in a hurry


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## MagicMarker (Mar 19, 2017)

If your not catching fish you’re not holding your mouth right


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## Bronson (May 16, 2014)

Specwar said:


> I’ve heard and used so many in my lifetime, however the reoccurring one is _“ The only easy day was yesterday”._


I can still hear that in my sleep!


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## Hatchetman (Apr 13, 2004)

Slicker than snot on a glass door knob....


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## Ohiobob926 (Jan 5, 2019)

1. If you lay down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas.
2. take a long walk off a short pier.


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

If it has tires or t%ts eventually you’re going to have trouble with it.


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## mtstringer (Jan 7, 2005)

When in a hurry cleaning up:

Just give it a lick and a promise.


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## lunder (Aug 23, 2005)

One that's come up lately: I was gonna spend the day procrastinating......but there's always tomorrow.


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## the_waterwolf (Feb 8, 2013)

"An inch deep and a mile wide"


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## Yeada (May 21, 2013)

thinking of irs. check's in the mail


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## ROOK (Mar 6, 2010)

simple pleasures are lifes finest treasures


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## hoplovestofish (Aug 3, 2010)

Out of sight, out of mind. hop


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## PromiseKeeper (Apr 14, 2004)

I can remember my father in law saying, "I'd like to buy that guy for what he's worth and sell him for what he THINKS he's worth!"

close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades

"I'm tryin' to think but nothin's happening!" - Curly Howard

busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs


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## KPI (Jun 4, 2011)

When helping a buddy on a home improvement job 
“My names not on the mailbox “


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## cane pole (Nov 27, 2011)

Nervous as a W$&re in church.


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## Hatchetman (Apr 13, 2004)

Shaken like a dog shi..in razor blades....


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## Shaun69007 (Sep 2, 2009)

Thats the most screwed up thing I've ever seen and I've been to 2 county fairs and a mid air Buzzard F'ing competition.


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## fastwater (Apr 1, 2014)

Them biscuits will make your gums beat your brains out.

On it like a duck on a junebug.


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## polebender (Oct 29, 2011)

fastwater said:


> Them biscuits will make your gums beat your brains out.


Lolol! Gotta say I’ve never heard that one before! Do you have all your teeth fastwater?


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## FOWL BRAWL (Feb 13, 2020)

Red on the head like a d**k on a dog


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## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

FOWL BRAWL said:


> Red on the head like a d**k on a dog


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## Yeada (May 21, 2013)

runs like sh*t thru a tin goose


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## fastwater (Apr 1, 2014)

polebender said:


> Lolol! Gotta say I’ve never heard that one before! Do you have all your teeth fastwater?


Nope...momma makes some good biscuits. 

One of dads favorites when we as kids would be goofin off when working in the field,
'Your burnin daylight'

...or...

when it was a good weather forecast and we didn't want to work in the field,
'Got to get it while the gettin is good'


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## pistolrak (Sep 26, 2014)

Wish in one hand, sh!!t in the other, see what fills up quicker.


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## lunder (Aug 23, 2005)

Ones I hated hearing:

You'll live!
Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about!
I've seen worse! (usually an injury)
Just walk it off! (also an injury)

My kids hated:

We'll see.
Maybe later
I'll think about it
These are from me

The one they hated from my wife was of course:

Go ask Dad


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## motorboatin (Jun 8, 2016)

Heavier than a dead priest
Tighter than a nun


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## motorboatin (Jun 8, 2016)

Only 2 kind of folks, Theys hillbillies and they sonsabitches. I ain't no sumbitch.


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## 68bucks (Aug 17, 2013)

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?
More nervous Than a 9 tail cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.
If it do go, chrome it!


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## milanmark (Jan 17, 2013)

For my girls whenever we would go somewhere and they were worried what time we would get back...
"If we don't go you can't come back!"


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## threeten (Feb 5, 2014)

Gotta make hay when the suns shining!


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## STRONGPERSUADER (Nov 5, 2006)

That boy would steal pennies off a deadman’s eyes..


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## ErieRider (Mar 23, 2010)

Don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes..... then if you still don't like him, at least you have his shoes!

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## STRONGPERSUADER (Nov 5, 2006)

I bet ya a dollar to a donut.


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## Garyww (May 22, 2017)

My grandmother always said: Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere


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## captainshotgun (Jul 8, 2009)

When painting a vehicle and there is a defect: they will never notice it at 55 mph!


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## Lewis (Apr 5, 2004)

That boy ain't right.....
Close enough for a shop this size..
That kid could tear up an anvil...


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## Hatchetman (Apr 13, 2004)

Dad used to say " He don't know $hit from shinola"....


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## bassplayer (Sep 15, 2017)

Busier than a hooker on nickle day


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## motorboatin (Jun 8, 2016)

If questioned about something that is overly obvious:
Is a bear catholic? 
Backing a f'n cake, what's it look like I'm doing?


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## Row v. Wade (Apr 27, 2004)

Couple of my Dads
If wishes were horses all beggars would ride.
Go play in the middle of rt 90


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## ya13ya03 (Sep 21, 2010)

My mom used to tell me all the time "Go peddle your papers" 

My boss has a saying and he says it at least three times every time he talks to you "And stuff like that". It's kinda funny. It's at the end of ever sentence.


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## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

it is what it is


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## Freebie (Sep 12, 2004)

Only 10 kinds of people: those that understand binary, and those that don't.


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## Freebie (Sep 12, 2004)

"Because I said so".
I hated hearing it from my dad, but loved saying as a dad.


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## fastwater (Apr 1, 2014)

Dad when he was tryin to get us all in gear to get something done or go somewhere:
'Let's get this show on the road'

Another one us kids heard a lot at dinner time...and one my own kids heard as well:
'Take all you want, but eat all you take'

Said about someone with an ego problem:
'Like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.'

Random sayin:
'An eagle don't fly so high that he don't have to land sometime.'


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## STRONGPERSUADER (Nov 5, 2006)

If that ole girl had as many stickin out of her as she had in her, she’d look like a porcupine.


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## PromiseKeeper (Apr 14, 2004)

and if a frog had wings he wouldnt bump his butt every time he jumped


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## motorboatin (Jun 8, 2016)

Freebie said:


> Only 10 kinds of people: those that understand binary, and those that don't.


I don't get it...


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

motorboatin said:


> I don't get it...


 username checks out


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## BigDaddy300 (Nov 1, 2004)

My dad would say...If? If my grandma would have had nuts i would have 2 grandpaps! 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk


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## Karl Crist (Aug 6, 2019)

caulk, putty and paint makes the carpenter what he ain’t..


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

Don’t let another man borrow your car or wife. He might try to throw a rod in either....


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## catch (Feb 11, 2011)

Been to three state fairs and two goat fu#@!$ns and ain't never seen anything like that


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## steelhead steve (May 5, 2012)

that guy is so dumb when his dog died he had to dig 3 holes to bury it because the first 2 wernt deep enough


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## fastwater (Apr 1, 2014)

Pep talk to someone down on their luck:
'You gotta reach down and pull yourself up by your bootstraps'


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## 3 dog Ed (Apr 25, 2014)

You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground


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## Century2001 (Mar 20, 2018)

“That guy couldn’t pour pi** out of a boot if the directions were on the bottom.”


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## PromiseKeeper (Apr 14, 2004)

That guy is so ugly that when he was a kid they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dog to play with him!


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

if if and buts were candy and nuts we would all have a merry christmas


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## STRONGPERSUADER (Nov 5, 2006)

I’ll knock you fru a loop.


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## bassplayer (Sep 15, 2017)

That boy is a few french fries short of a
|Happy MeaL


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## BlueRibbonTaxidermy (Feb 2, 2005)

Here's a couple of my favs: If you move any slower you'll be going backwards.....Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash....Don't piss down my leg and tell me it's rainin.


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## meatwagon (Aug 13, 2007)

Mess with the bull and you'll get the horns!!!

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


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## hatteras1 (Jan 18, 2011)

Fireman always save the basement
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk 
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. 
In God we trust; all others must pay cash. 
Yes I would like a glass of water....with Hopps


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## hatteras1 (Jan 18, 2011)

Hell yes I'm drunk.... What do you think I am, a stunt driver?


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## bruce (Feb 10, 2007)

I will hit you so hard your grandkids will feel it.


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

money talks and bull$hit walks!


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

Attractive, available, sane..... choose two


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## MIGHTY (Sep 21, 2013)

double post


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## STRONGPERSUADER (Nov 5, 2006)

If ya can’t hang with the big dogs.. stay off the porch.


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## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

My Grandpa told me to always date girls with little hands..... They will make my D!$K look bigger!


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## CFIden (Oct 9, 2014)

CFIden said:


> My Grandpa told me to always date girls with little hands..... They will make my D!$K look bigger!


Boy I miss him.


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## twistedcatfish1971 (Jul 21, 2013)

...can't catch em from the garage LOL!

...Enjoy the night OGF.

Don.


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## FOWL BRAWL (Feb 13, 2020)

Choose your battles wisely

keep your friends close and your enemies closer


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## Timjim (May 15, 2011)

I'll knock knots on your head faster than you can rub um..... [email protected] fire and save matches .....closed mouths gather no feet


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## Lil' Rob (Apr 11, 2004)

Who ever smelled it, dealt it!


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## Thomas m. (Mar 10, 2017)

A man that don't lie aint got nuthin to say!


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## Bronson (May 16, 2014)

Battleship mouth with a rowboat a$$


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## FishThis (Sep 2, 2005)

It’s raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock!


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## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

Shaking like a skinny dog $h**ing razor blades


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## Redheads (Jun 9, 2008)

Play the hand your dealt and not the one you want


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## ress (Jan 1, 2008)

How ya doin? Fine as frog hair! Cheese n Rice!


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## twistedcatfish1971 (Jul 21, 2013)

Spit + dirt = MUD.

Don.


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

talk the talk walk the walk


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## Yeada (May 21, 2013)

Sorry officer-I got hear as quick as I could


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## Snakecharmer (Apr 9, 2008)

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem


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## fastwater (Apr 1, 2014)

'Never pee into the wind'

'Don't pee in my ear and tell me it's rainin'


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## FishThis (Sep 2, 2005)

I say this to my dog every time she stops and smells a tree.. ain’t nothing like fresh pee on a tree!


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## flyman01 (Jan 23, 2013)

I'd rather be fishing in the river on Sunday and thinking about God than to be in church and thinking about fishing.


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## flyman01 (Jan 23, 2013)

Here are a few of my favorites:

If dumb was dirt, you'd be about an acre.

If your brain was leather, it wouldn't make a saddle for a June bug.

I'm so poor, I can't pay attention.

You're so narrow minded, you can see through a keyhole with both eyes.

You're fuller than a tick that's been suckin' on a dog all day


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## hoplovestofish (Aug 3, 2010)

Fishin's so bad, I can't catch a fat lady in a phone booth. hop


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## crappyman (Jan 24, 2018)

Stiffer than a wedding night peter


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## crappyman (Jan 24, 2018)

Everyone likes a little a$$ no one likes a smart a$$


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## crappyman (Jan 24, 2018)

If nothing goes right go left


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## crappyman (Jan 24, 2018)

Don’t pray for rain if your afraid of the mud


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## crappyman (Jan 24, 2018)

Does a wild bear sh!t in the woods


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## Killbuckian (Feb 16, 2020)

Not sure if these have been posted. I haven't read them all yet...

Dumber than a hammer

Older than dirt and twice as dusty

If brains were gasoline he wouldn't have enough to
drive a piss ants motorcycle around the inside of a 
Cheerio.

Hotter than a two peckerd Billy goat

If you put his brain on the edge of a razor
blade it would look like a pea rolling down 
a four lane highway.

Don't force it, get a bigger hammer

Beat you like an ugly red headed step child.


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## FOWL BRAWL (Feb 13, 2020)

She looked a lot thinner at last call


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## MagicMarker (Mar 19, 2017)

Nothing good happens after midnight


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## lawrence1 (Jul 2, 2008)

If BS were music, you'd be an orchestra.

What has two eyes made of corn and a peanut for a brain?
The human turd known as ,,,,,


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## slimdaddy45 (Aug 27, 2007)

You don't know the difference between cowsh-t and bullsh-t -Go piss up a rope -YOUR DUMBER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS - if YOU HAD A BRAIN YOU WOULD BE DANGEROUS- uP YOUR A$$ WITH A PIECE OF GLASS


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## slimdaddy45 (Aug 27, 2007)

yOU DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SH-T AND APPLE BUTTER


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## hoplovestofish (Aug 3, 2010)

"Sh*t the bed!" hop


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## Lewis (Apr 5, 2004)

Her buck teeth were so bad, she could eat corn on the cob through a chain link fence!


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## Killbuckian (Feb 16, 2020)

Shaking like a dog sh**ting razor blades.


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## boatnut (Nov 22, 2006)

Iffin that don't burn your biscuits


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## ress (Jan 1, 2008)

yo momma drinks muddy canal water


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## one3 (Dec 1, 2015)

Mom would say, The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but it is just as hard to cut.


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## captainshotgun (Jul 8, 2009)

When you walk into a room that is too noisy: It sounds like somebody threw a brick in a crows nest!


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## OptOutside440 (Feb 3, 2019)

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.


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## OptOutside440 (Feb 3, 2019)

Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour


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## OptOutside440 (Feb 3, 2019)

If you dig up the past, all you get is dirty.


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## missionfishin (Sep 21, 2011)

Grinning like a donkey eating briars

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk


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## goodday (Dec 24, 2004)

Givers got set limits cuz takers don’t have any


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## ccc (Mar 14, 2005)

dont argue with stupid people.. they take you down to their level then beat you with experience


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## garhtr (Jan 12, 2009)

"I'm so good I could kick start
a cook stove"


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## Slatebar (Apr 9, 2011)

The only thing sweeter than sex is revenge...


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## FOWL BRAWL (Feb 13, 2020)

Snitches get stitches


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